How I would react to meeting various cryptids

I'm probably correct.

Let’s start off the best way I can imagine.

I HOPE, not know, but hope, that cryptids are real.

I love the science of animals, what some call this hip new term “biology” and cryptids are a natural carry over for animal fans. The splash of fantastic, rooted in some science so they’re not magical, and they’re localized so people who lvie near the “sightings” have a fun story for a party that’s too crowded.

From Wikipedia, the definition of “Cryptozoology” is as follows: Cryptozoology is a pseudoscience and subculture that searches for and studies unknown, legendary, or extinct animals whose present existence is disputed or unsubstantiated.

Classic examples include Bigfoot, Loch Ness Monster, Chupacabra, the Mothman, and a handful of others. But I’m not here to Blakesplain (boom, nailed it) cryptids. I’m here to gauge how I would react. I have to consider how well I know myself, the legends around these creatures, and ultimately think of what’s the funniest thing to write.

Bigfoot

Look at this definitive proof of whatever that’s a picture of.

Let’s kick off with the big man, the ape who can jape, Bigfoot. (please applaud, even if you’re by yourself, it’s not weird) Classic Pacific Northwest mythological creature, the first photo shows a large, black furred, lumbering manlike thing looking straight at the camera.

Since then Bigfoot has had books, shows, movies, games, cults (probably), festivals (this has to be real) dedicated to the legend. There’s a whole section at Powell’s Books in Portland, Oregon just for Sasquatch merch. They may have taken that display down, I haven’t been in a few months, but it was there at one point.

How Would Blake Do?

I’d gush like meeting a celebrity i’m a huge fan of. I wouldn’t have any chill, like even a little bit. I know I would stammer trying to ask for a photo, and I’d probably take a bad one due to nerves. I’d probably ask how he/she/they felt about Sasquatch Sunset, a strange movie starring four actors in Sasquatch costumes. The worst part is I wouldn’t remember their answer because I’d be so nervous.

Loch Ness Monster

Stunning.

Also known as Nessie, this beast’s origins are tied to the Loch Ness freshwater loch in the Scottish Highlands. I think “loch” is scottish for “lake”? I dunno, I’m not a waterologist, I’m barely even an amatuer cryptozoo-ologist. There are more doubts cast about Nessie since the one photo was for sure deemed a hoax. I assume it’s because you can’t go in water so no one can prove it.

Nessie’s key notable reference (at least for me and my friends) is in an early episode of the cartoon Gravity Falls where Old Man McGucket builds a massive water based dinosaur submarine thing. It’s a great episode, and I wish I knew weird old coots who built massive contraptions as a way to handle stress in real life.

How Would Blake Do?

I feel like I wouldn’t know what to talk about. I’ve never been to Scotland so I’d have all the tourist crap to ask. “Have you been to any whiskey distilleries around here?” I’m assuming it’s a no, since Nessie never leaves the loch, I think. Things would devolve into that awkward silence when you don’t know someone well and are dying for your friend to come back and spark up the conversation.

Chupacabra

The ugliest dog I’ve ever seen.

Spanish for “goat sucker” the chupacabra is an American legend first purported in Puerto Rico in 1995. Descriptions have ranged from being lizardlike and the size of a small bear to being a dog sized spined creature. I like how no one really agrees on the description except that it guzzle goat blood like how I gulp down chicken broth when I gt a sore throat.

It’s fun to say, I don’t own farm animals so I don’t have much to fear from ol Chuppy. Some of the numbers are astounding, with up to 150 farm animals being sucked dry in the town of Moca in Puerto Rico. Pretty impressive numbers for a made up monster. I mean, a possibly real, dog lizard, thing.

How Would Blake Do?

To be perfectly honest, I would probably smack chupacabra with a broom and yell at it to shoo and scat, in that order. So, not well.

The Mothman

Terror of all porch lights in the South.

Somewhat of a hometown favorite of mine, the Mothman is well known in West Virginia and to a lesser extent across the US. (Source: I made it up). Supposedly (allegedly? whole heartedly??) seen in Point Pleasant, West Virginia in the 1960’s the descriptions were generally matching. Shadowy figure, large red eyes, flying through the night.

Trivia Time! Blake grew up miles from the West Virginia border!

The Mothman has seen a rise in popularity. I’m basing this on the fact The Adventure Zone has their take on the Mothman as an NPC. Also my friend Steve turned me onto the one page RPG “Ah dang! Mothman Won’t Move Out (He Said It Was Just For The Weekend)”. There’s also a statue of the Mothman in Point Pleasant and the butt part of the statue is like, really built out.

Like…dang y’all, that’s a booty.

How Would Blake Do?

I’d be fine. He’s a local boy, like me. He seems chill, not counting the supernatural disasters that occur when he’s around. I’d probably invite Mothman out for a drink, maybe play a board game, complain about the politics of West Virginia. I’d admit to Mothman how I beefed my meeting with Bigfoot and we would laugh.

Conclusion

I have nothing to add. No honorable mentions. No profound insight. Thanks for reading.