The Correct Way to Make Genie Wishes
A helpful guide for the wish-anxious!
It’s one of the classic hypotheticals.
“What would you do with 3 wishes?”
Then people get into the minutiae of “can you wish for more wishes” (which ignores the point of the question) and often get depressing with it, like wishing for debts to be cleared, etc.
Well you’re in luck, you aimless buffoon. Today I’ll be walking you through the best way to make genie wishes if you ever find yourself with a lamp packed with a magic slinging djiin, which is the old fashioned way to say genie.
Origins or: Why three wishes?
After exhaustive (ie opening Firefox as I chug a cold brew) research, I’ve found the origin of the “three wish” rule.
If you want my source, I’ve linked it HERE, JUST CLICK!
Full disclosure, I didn’t see the story itself in that link, but in “The Fisherman and the Genie” the genie apparently decides on 3 wishes. There’s no magical restriction, just a worker who understands their worth and sets firm limits. Get me in that genie’s union!
If the genie picking a number arbitrarily upsets you, to be fair (to be faaaaaair) three is a meaningful number in literature. Three little pigs, three wise men, the rule of three in comedy, three is a solid number to utilize in anything fictional. So that genie is in a good union and a well read individual.
Regarding the discussion, it’s also fun to limit yourself to a set number. Which takes me to the first point…
…wishing for more wishes is dumb.
The first mistake you can make is to wish for more wishes.
That’s on the same level as asking your boss directly for more money simply because you got to work without crapping your pants. You did nothing to earn the genie’s trust, and it looks bad for all of us when you do that. The pants crapping, not the demanding of more. Actually, yeah, both are bad.
There is a way to get something similar to infinite wishes, and that’s to go on adventures with the genie. Once you’ve befriended them, and used your third wish to free them (more on that later) then they’ll likely hang out and use their magic all the time for doing bits and helping you with day-to-day stuff.
If they don’t hang out after going on an adventure that forces the both of you to grow and become new versions of yourselves through challenges overcomethen you just accept it. You’re a better person anyway! And you got functional moonshoes and unbreakable ankles! At least, you did if you’re making the right wishes.
Request a Test Run
This is not rude, rather it’s a smart move as most genies operate under the same rules as Costco. With the rise of AI use and deep fakes polluting the internet and television, you’d be a fool to not make sure the genie is for real. Most genies witnessed today are hallucinations brought on by eating bad corn dogs.
Don’t get greedy with the request, but push the boundaries beyond standard sleight of hand magic. Maybe use Disney’s Aladdin as a jumping off point. Alternatively you could use Three Thousand Years of Longing, though I think that’s more a discussion on the genie stories as morality tales, and it sort of just ends. Overall it’s fine, not a required watch.
Oh, right, sorry, back to the task at hand.
Keep it Measurable
This is not true of all genies, but the ones I’ve interacted with tend to eyeball measurements. Unless you specify a number (more on this later) they’ll grant the wish the way I season my chili; with a loose hand and a corn chip in my other hand.
It also comes down to safety. If you want to “fill a room” that you are inside of, prepare for a quick yet painful death when they go literal and fill every bit of air with whatever you wish for. Have fun dying by getting crushed by beer ice cubes.
Pro Tip: Offer a visual aid to show exactly how many of a thing you want. Get the measuring tape if you have to, genies LOVE measuring tape.
Specific is key, but not too key
I won’t bore you with the standard tale of “I wish for a million bucks” granting a massive stampede of male deer, or “I wish to be the richest person on the planet” and you’re granted a full family that should enrich your inner spirit. Don’t be vague. You’ve got plenty of family.
That does not mean you should get into an argument of specifics with the genie either. They’re immortal (I think) and they’ve read way more books than you have. I don’t care if you have the library app and a full Kindle, they know more words. Trust me. I tried.
Just be careful with your words. Don’t treat a genie wish like you’re replying to a text and letting typos just fall all over the place. That’s how you wind up with a million ducks. Speak clearly and confidently.
Just have fun with it!
Don’t stress so much, you’re hanging out with a genie! That’s a big deal, not everyone gets to do that! Tell some jokes, go on an adventure with them, heck, save the kingdom if you’re up for it. If you’re not in a kingdom, perhaps your local neighborhood could use saving.
If you need a specific example, I wished for the exact burrito order I always get at La Bonita, and got a tasty burrito with leftovers for the next day, FOR FREE. That was my test of the genie’s authenticity. Then we discussed life and philosophy and what new movies were coming out. And thanks to Hank (they let me pick a name I could pronounce, another bonus of hanging out before kicking off the wishes) I have shoes that will never fall apart, clarity of what’s important, and a million male deer I’ve introduced to the Oregon wildlife.
That was fun. But how did you find the genie bottle.