Rating TTRPG Books
By how well they help around the house.
I’ve always been a fan of physical media. I like being able to hold the thing I bought in my hands and interact with it. I also have an easier time reading books physically than on a screen.
Books are also great for other things, like smashing bugs, cleaning up spills, and enhancing a cocktail. Today I’ll be rating the following books 1-5 in effectiveness, giving each game a corresponding number as their score. By the end we’ll have a winner, unless 2 books tie, then I’ll bail on this entire thing. Today I’m rating-
Dungeons & Dragons 5th edition
Monster of the Week (paperback)
Honey Heist (2 pieces of paper)
PathFinder 2E Player Core
Atomic Highway (PDF)
Squishing Bugs
First off, not all bugs are bad. In the interest of keeping good bugs safe, I practiced with pieces of Sun Chips soaked in chocolate milk to simulate the wet squishy nature of bugs. My roommates were not stoked about this test since i sprinkled the soggy chip pieces in the living room. In my defense I did this in the intertest of accuracy.
4- D&D had a strong start, smashing the wet “bugs” with a satisfying BAM.
3- Monster of the Week did well, but the flimsy nature of the paperback made it slightly more difficult.
2- Honey Heist was useful once rolled up, but didn’t quite have the structural integrity to properly squish.
5- PathFinder Player Core wins simply for the heft of the book. D&D has weight but PathFinder is difficult to carry around, and made the bugs fully dead.
1- Atomic Highway is a PDF. A non-fungible thing that could not squish.
Drying my Hands
Hand washing is an important part of being a human being in our society. It’s a simple thing that helps keep you and your fellow humans safe from illness and germs. Sometimes you don’t have access to paper towels or even standard towels and it’s gauche to dry your hands on your clothes.
3- D&D is a solid contender once again. It’s mostly paper, though I had to let my hands sit on the book and take time to soak so it gets a ding for time.
4- Monster of the Week’s flimsy paperback-ness helps secure a near victory in this category.
5- Honey Heist, once crumpled enough to simulate a bad paper towel, ran away with the game here. I was so fooled I accidentally threw it away afterwards.
2- PathFinder has wonderful glossy paper. While a joy to flip through it doesn’t soak up water well. Also very heavy “towel”.
1- Again, Atomic Highway is a PDF. I had to shake my hands dry, which made me hurt my wrists.
As a cocktail ingredient
Living in Portland, Oregon, I’m aware of the mixology scene, both for classic cocktails and non-alcoholic mocktails. If I want to keep up with my role playing games AND maintain a social life, I have to be ready to incorporate these books into a bright drink.
1- D&D is a hardcover sized book, which does not fit into a blender or cocktail glass, or those shaker things. After tearing a page out and trying that, it was a bad experience.
3- Monster of the Week has slightly easier to digest paper. Still bad though.
4- Honey Heist did well because the mixologist I paid to help with this competition had the the idea to add honey to a whiskey drink. It was pretty good, even with the paper in the glass.
2- PathFinder, again, has glossy pages. Which is apparently better than regular paper. Still gross.
5- Atomic Highway wins this round simply by virtue of not mixing any paper products into a boozy drink.
And the winner is…
Honey Heist, with a whopping 11 points!!
The ranking of the rest are as follows.
Monster of the Week with 10 points.
PathFinder 2e player Core with 9 points.
Dungeons & Dragons 5e with 8 points.
Atomic Highway PDF with 7 points.
Make sure to check back in when I see which of these books can best start a car, grind coffee beans, and open a portal to Hell.