Quagg & Gogg Snott: Goblin Entrepreneurs
Domhaun's newest business goblins
This a blurb about some NPCs in my homebrew setting. Sometimes players inspire me to flesh out something I whipped up in the moment. Other times I have this idea I like but it doesn’t fit anywhere in the game, so it goes here!
History
Quagg and Gogg Snott are fraternal twin goblins. Born at the exact same time, they’re easy to tell apart, even though their father always had a hard time with their 12 other siblings that were born mere seconds after Quagg and Gogg. Gogg is grayish green while Quagg is greenish gray. Quagg’s ears are pointed at the tips while Gogg’s ear tips are pointed. It’s embarrassing how obvious which one is which.
The brothers grew up in the shadow of the Draccusbane Mountains in a small village founded by a halfling wizard that wanted a library in the rural areas of the continent of Domhaun. Thanks to easy access to literature, instructional tomes, and baudy graphic novels Quagg and Gogg learned to read and appreciate the finer points of starting a small business. They even took inspiration from adventure stories and traveled with some adventuring parties to earn some coin and see the world.
Unsatisfied with the plain offerings at taverns across the realm, the brothers decided to create a space that would cater to the tastes of a more discerning adventurer. Someplace that offered a fine ale, meat seasoned with more than just the sweat of the cook, and a space to bring your family and spend quality time.
The Start of Their Business
In a small town called Hebble Flats, Quagg got loans from previous adventuring parties while Gogg worked with the local government (ie, threatened with violence and hungry trolls) to secure a plot of land with an abandoned tavern house. Within a month the goblin brothers had a canvas to paint their dream.
But things weren’t going to be that easy. The old tavern house was run down, partially burned, and stuffed with dire rats in the basement. Luckily Quagg was an adventuring type and Gogg was the toughest goblin this side of the Havestad River. So they rolled up their sleeves, took up arms and tools, then got to work on the old space.
The repairs were simple enough. Just some carpentry skill and a solid work ethic took care of the repairs from the fire. They recruited many of their goblin brood to help with the general cleaning and furniture shopping. Imagine a collection of 15 goblins, typically referred to as a chunk, running around town buying furniture and cleaning supplies.
Chunk; noun, the descriptor for a group of goblins larger than 4 but fewer than 30.
Example: The chunk of goblins raided the tavern’s ale and food stock within hours.
As for the rats? What better adventure to cut a new bard or warrior’s teeth on than slaying rats in a basement? Perfect spot to “Grind for XP” as Gogg called it. No one understood what he meant, but Gogg was always saying something strange. One time he told everyone they were standing on grid paper, but he was drunk at the time, so everyone dismissed it.
The Naming and the Menu
They named the restaurant Quagg & Gogg’s Eatery House. They wanted to include their last name, but a wise friend of theirs pointed out “Not everyone wants to eat food in a place with the word ‘snot’ in the name.” They don’t understand, but it’s fine, they’re flexible for goblins.
The Menu
The manu has a wide variety of selections. At least, wider than the standard tavern menu of “meat, potato, and drink”.
Quagg’s Gobblers
The Appetizer selection, which includes the definition of what an appetizer is, as mainly the affluent have a selection of pre meal snacks. At the insistence of Quagg’s elvish and gnomish friends, he included vegetable trays and sliced potatoes cooked in hot oil. Quagg’s dabling with a newer school of magic called “foodomancy” allowed him to craft something he calls “mozzarella sticks” and his standard goblin cooking provides fried pig ears and burns corn cobs as part of the appetizer menu.
Gogg’s Quaffables
The drink list, which includes mixed drinks, beers, wines, and the kinds of water Gogg finds (puddle, rain, etc). While they know most people will order the standard ales, Gogg’s been working with traveling brewers, including their head brewer, a red haired human named Gus to craft strange tasting brews that mimic banana and cloves. The wines are imported from elvish country and the spirts from various human and dwarven communities. The rain and puddle water is stuff goblins like, so that’s standard.
Gobblin’ Chomps
The food menu. They hired top rate Foodomancers from across Domhaun to craft new meals and food styles to stand out in the world they’re dubbing “fast casual”. With their mad ideas and free reign to experiment, they’ve concocted a base menu.
Ground beef between heated bread and sliced vegetables on top. They call this a “hammed burger”.
Lengths of chicken meat sliced, flour dipped, and heated in hot oil. Gogg wanted to call this “chicken fingers” but was voted down. Instead they’re called “bird sticks”.
Chopped lettuce, tomatoes, green beans, corn, tossed in a spicy oil and dusted with crumbled toast. A gnomish friend suggested the call it “salad” but the Snott brothers insisted on calling it “prey food” since rabbits and deer eat it. Despite the name people seem to like it.
One of the foodomancers presented a cake to try, but when they bit into it they found it was nearly frozen. The madman calls it “ice cream cake” and the brothers are still scared of it.
The future of Gogg & Quagg’s Eatery House
The brothers hope to have enough success that they’ll expand out of Hebble Flats and establish a location in Belatrom the nearest city to their location. Getting to a space that allows people to walk in and enjoy a good meal at commoner prices would be a massive boon to the fledgling business.
There have also been talks with Artificers about games of entertainment to play while you wait for your food. A prominent gnomish inventor is excited about a a ball and a cup, where the ball is connected to the bottom of the handle connected by a string and you try to get the ball in the cup. The nice thing is if you miss the bal doesn’t roll away, it simply hangs on the string, awaiting it’s next flight into the cup.
Quagg & Gogg also have a strict “no brawls, family friendly” rule, and they’ve hired plenty of retired adventurers to enforce that rule. If you plan on starting a rukus in any Gogg & Quagg’s Eatery franchise you’ll be hit with the Time Stop spell and subsequently escorted out.