I bet I could survive "Shaun of the Dead"

I mean, I've watched it like 20 times!

Shaun of the Dead is a 2004 horror/romantic comedy film following Shaun (Simon Pegg) and his group of friends surviving a zombie apocalypse. What I like about this movie is they acknowledge some zombie tropes and rules within the movie, which most zombie movies never do, often to the detriment of the characters.

What I’m banking on is my charming personality, willingness to help out, and understanding of zombie tropes to get me through to the bitter end…or lager end (sorry wrong movie).

So let’s exhume the premise I pitched once with CGI dinosaurs and check my progress regarding the undead in London! Also there will be spoilers for this (checks notes) twenty year old movie. Wait, TWENTY? Dang, I’m old y’all.

My Progress

With Jurassic Park I tackled each dinosaur I would have to survive. Since zombies are more of a “big swarm of one thing” I figured I’d come at this as if I was an unackowledged friend of Shaun’s tagging along from the start, like a less mouthy Ed (Nick Frost). I’ll also look at this as even if I don’t survive a particular scene, I’ll note it and check later scenes. For science.

First Hurdle-Background Mayhem

I like living in a walking city because I want to walk around. The neighborhood in Sean and his flatmates live in looks quaint and walkable. Given that information I would probably notice the signs of the undead pandemic sooner than the other characters. People collapsing at bus stops. Homeless people eating birds. The shambling about with arms hanging limply in front like a zombie.

The tough part for me here would be knowing who to call and where to go since I’m not a London native and would probably get lost immediately. I also don’t know what number to call in an emergency. I’m sure Sean and Ed know, but would they bother to call? Doubtful.

Next Hurdle- Backyard Zombies

When Shaun and Ed deal with “Bloody Mary” (Nicola Cunningham) and the larger zombie (could not find actor name) they have a comedic scene of throwing non damaging objects and then ruining some of Shaun’s records before grabbing heavy, blunt objects to bash the zombies’ into full death.

I can tell you, right off the bat-and before you ask no I didn’t mean to make that pun.

I can tell you I, in this scene, what I would do? I would have clocked the undead immediately. Then the scene would (hopefully) get humor out of me over explaining the attributes of zombies to the hungover pair of doofs. If things progress like they do in the movie hopefully they have a blunt weapon for me to defend myself.

Next Next Hurdle- The Car

Eventually the group ends up with seven people trying to fit into a Porsche. We get some drama as Shaun’s step father Philip is quickly turning undead and Ed is slamming into zombies with reckless abandon. We see Shaun and Ed have their first fight on camera and things become tense on several levels.

I’d ace this. I know exactly what to do in this situation.

I’d get a second car, drive the other one, and do bits around being American and not knowing which side of the street to drive on. Which would lead to me probably hitting a few zombies on accident. I also would need someone to give me directions as, again, I don’t know the area.

Triple Next Hurdle- Act the Part

Just before the 3rd act of the film our party of heroes have to pretend to be zombies to sneak past a massive horde to gain access to The Winchester Tavern/Pub.

I’m out. I’ve absorbed enough zombie media to know that putting yourself directly in contact with that mob is just a numbers game. We’re gambling, and I’m bad at gambling. I’d probably freak out and get straight devoured. Then the scene would continue without my nasally American voice going on and on.

But for science…and because I love hypotheticals. Let’s say hypothetically I survive until the end.

The Final Hurdle- The Winchester Tavern/Pub

I think I’m golden here…up to a point.

So they’re holed up in The Winchester Tavern. Things look dire, they’re surrounded, the zombies are crashing in, and the team is quickly falling apart and getting eaten.

I think I’m surviving up to the point where Shaun, Ed, and Liz (Kate Ashfield) set fire to the bar Just for the sheer numbers and lack of team work and communication, I’m getting gobbled up by the undead like a Blake Burger.

(no one take my restaurant idea “Blake’s Big ‘Ol Burgers”!)

But I’m ok with going out here. The point of zombie movies is to test the mettle of the characters. And it’s not my story to tell. It’s Shaun’s. The movie isn’t Blake of the Dead, which would be wild since I was twenty at the time and living in North Carolina, not a major movie making location. Also far smaller population of undead.

Conclusion

I’d do alright. Not as well as Jurassic Park, which was fueled mostly by humor and less by a love of the film. Zombies are a different beast from dinosaurs. Unless you get a zombie T-Rex, THEN you’re in trouble!