Life has been pretty busy for me these days. I missed posting last week due to a collection of factors. My pre-written buffer of posts ran out, I over committed to multiple friends’ events, I’m preparing for an overseas trip in two weeks, and I’m moving into a new place while taking no time off from my day job.
It’s pretty hectic, but I’ll see it through. The frantic past few weeks made me consider how I can get my life organized. I bet these tips will help you out, the humble every man who enjoys my writing and (hopefully) sends it along to other people.
I could hire an assistant.
This will be a tricky one, as I want to pay living wages AND provide health insurance AND paid time off. To be frank, I don’t have that kind of money. But if I hypothetically had the means to hire someone, I think I’d draw a few boundaries at orientation.
For instance, they’re not allowed to go get my coffee. I like going into my local coffeeshop being asked by the staff if I’m getting my usual cold brew. It’s a fun feeling being a regular. I would let the assistant drive me, but maybe not my car, that seems weird. I’m aboslutely fine with them smacking the phone out of my hand if I start to scroll social media. Just BAM! Phone on ground.
The key task I need is the assistant reminding me that my next meeting or task or meal is coming up in ten minutes. That gives me enough time to panic, but not so much time that I spiral. It’s a delicate balance my assistant will have to strike to keep me sane and happy.
I could buy a time machine.
The key word to note there is “buy” and not “make”. I’m no engineer, and any attempts to make a time machine would proabably be disasterous. Or have been disasterous? Time travel makes my head hurt.
The largest downside to buying a time machine is I’ll have to buy it off Amazon. I haven’t checked if there’s a time machine on Amazon but it has everything else, so it feels like a safe assumption. The next factor to consider is brand. Do I go name recognition with a General Electric Time machine? Or do I buy “Time-o-Lux” brand time vehicle? It’s a tough call.
Honestly I shouldn’t even try to time travel to take care of my obligations. I can’t even keep a handle on changing time zones so how can I handle what actual time it is after slipping through the time stream? Frankly I’ve already talked myself out of it. And that is NOT a time travel joke.
Make my life montage (like in the movies).
I love a movie montage. The music kicks in, we see the highlights and comedic points of a major task being accomplished, then the story has moved forward and the hard work is done. I like montages so much I work them into any TTRPG I Game Master for.
The tough part here is actually making time jump. This isn’t as simple as purchasing a Time-o-Lux brand time vehicle for delivery. I need to just live life hard enough with the right music playing and things will naturally jump forward as the story dictates. Perhaps the reason I haven’t done so is because I haven’t made the right playlist yet.
This will be a major problem. The time I spend sitting in my room and meticulously crafting a playlist will seriously eat into my limited time for completing other tasks I’m supposed to be doing. I think I just montaged myself into being even further behind. Shoot, back to the drawing board.
Wait, what am I even doing now??
While writing this post, I just remembered, like, four other things I need to take care of before work. I better run, but don’t you worry! I’ll keep dropping hilarous content here as often as the Time-o-Lux will allow me! I just need to by some uranium for the fuel tank and AA batteries for the remote.